In this moment, things are crazy. I am constantly making food, washing clothes, cleaning the floors, wiping down the table, putting toys away, refereeing the kids, wiping down their faces. I am busy all day, awake most of the night. My last baby is 8 months old and doesn’t sleep through yet.
Some days I feel so tired I don’t know how I am still awake.
As mums, our rewards are all of their firsts; their first smile, their first laugh, the first time they roll, sit, crawl, walk. The first tooth, the first foods they try, the first time they sleep through the night, the first time they wee or poo on the potty, their first words.
Then they start school, we are so proud, suddenly we’re researching secondary schools and they’ve left primary school.
Then they’ll be off to secondary school, you wish the teenage years were over and one day they will be. Our little babies will be leaving school and off to college or getting a job. They might go to uni, find a partner, move out and have children of their own.
My house will be quiet and empty.
All of Darcie’s firsts are actually my lasts and that fills me with so much sadness.
I will never give birth again.
I will never be leaving the hospital with my new baby, announcing their birth and proudly showing them off to the world.
I will never get those newborn cuddles again.
I will never get to be woken up at 4am with her wanting cuddles and milk again.
I will never get that look when she looks at me when feeding again.
I will never drive the car and watch her little toes wiggling around.
I will never get to see her gummy grin again.
I will not be able to hold her in my arms when she needs me.
This is to all four of my children…
I love you all so much, I have enjoyed every minute of being your Mummy no matter how difficult some days may seem and you are my world.
I will miss these moments but I look forward to our future.
I have changed nappies for 9 years non stop, I’ve had almost every brand of pushchair going and I have spent an absolute fortune on all of the beautiful little outfits you have worn and outgrown so quickly.
I will miss all of this so much but you will continue to make me proud in all that you do.
And one day I will be a grandparent, I will be called Nanny and I will get to do it all again!
I will miss the toys on the floor, the full washing basket, hand prints on the wall and a soaked bathroom floor but I promise you I will do it all again with your babies and I won’t mind because I will then realise that these moments don’t last a lifetime (and I can give the kids back to you!)
Thank you Archie, Maisie, Charlie and Darcie for being amazing children in every way I love you so much and all that I do is for you. I couldn’t imagine life any other way. You are all so special and so perfect in every way and you will forever be my babies.
If you are 20 years old and need a cuddle I promise I will be there.
If you are 30 years old and struggling with lack of sleep from your babies I promise I will be there.
If you need a shoulder to cry on, someone to take your frustration and anger out on, someone to call, someone to tell your achievements to I will be there every step of the way.
I will always be your proud mummy.
I love you xxx